Friday, November 30, 2001

 
How to loose somebody (else)'s patience

Just imagine the following scenario: dad comes home early, does some house work in a hurry, just to prepare everything for an evening of administrative work and free-time. And (oh yes, one would almost forget) he has to take care of little Feyo as well, because mom leaves the house, but no problem here: he can give the cute little guy his milk, a fresh diper, a bear and his sleeping back and he has a long smooth evening in front of him.

I, Little Feyo, am not stupid of course. I smell opportunities. You know the Give the enemy false hope, then strike strategy? So Ol' Man feeds me, I didn't get the chance to burp (N°1 lesson for young parents: always wait for Da Burp or you're doomed). I pretend to get tired, I wine a bit, fall asleep, dad puts me into bed and prepares for a little online meeting with Pu-mates to kill eachother in an internet game.

The internet game is not working, so they do what they can do best: use the trial-and-error method to resolve the problem. This method is very satisfying if you can get to real results, but as long as error is one result (business as usal for dad), stress is the other. Since this was the case, it's time to enter the game myself. The Crying Game. I cried so loud daddy had to stop all attempts. He came to my bed, stayed there for 15 minutes until I was calmed down and sleeping once again. But he already had a feeling something wasn't stable (at least he knows when a Puter runs stable so he has a sense for this).

After 15 minutes of T&R (trial and error) for the game, I started crying so loud that you could almost hear me say: "Please pick me out of bed, I'm dying here!" This was the end of the internet game attempt.

I stayed on daddy's lap for an hour, looking around, playing with his hairs, grabbing his face, smiling. At that time, daddy didn't hope to play on his puter any more, so he started to focus on the tele. I only started crying again when daddy tried to hear what they were saying on the television.

Finally mom got home, and dad surely must have looked so angry and stressed she wondered what she did wrong. Dad handed me to her, then went to his bed.

But guess what: today, I'm his best friend again! How can Grownups be so naive?

posted by Martin Vereecken Friday, November 30, 2001

Tuesday, November 27, 2001

 
Today Porkearth's postman delivered my swimming diploma. There was actually somebody that came to our place to deliver my diploma. They sent somebody to hand me my diploma! I must be really really important for the swimming classes. Too bad mom and dad decided to keep me away from the second series of swimming lessons, since the bacterium thingies decided to stay in my infrastructure all winter.

I scanned my certificate to show it to you. Check it out! For those out there who don't speak dutch or can't read, I'll just translate what it says:

BEAR SWIMMING DIPLOMA (meaning I'm a bear, t.i. a strong man)

I, VEREECKEN FEYO, BORN 26/04/2001, AM THE BEST AND MOST VERSATILE SWIMMER OF THE CENTURY.
THEREFOR, THE WELL KNOWN REDDIE TEDDY BEAR SWIMMING DIPLOMA WAS AWARDED TO ME.
THE DIPLOMA HAS BEEN EARNED IN THE OLYMPIC SWIMMING POOL OF DEINZE.

SWIMMING CHAMPION

P.S. FEYO, YOU MEAN A LOT TO THE WORLD (SWIMMING) COMMUNITY. A NUMBER OF NEW SWIMMING STYLES WERE INTRODUCED THANKS TO YOU. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I needed a little push before I actually wanted to publish it on the web, but I think the world deserves to know who's the best.

posted by Martin Vereecken Tuesday, November 27, 2001

Monday, November 26, 2001

 
You know I'm fond of my mom. She's great. I can cry, make a mess, suck all her energy out of her and in the end she still loves me. Cool! My dad, that's a different story. He thinks I'm fond of him as well. He believes that, no matter how much of his time he spends behind his Pu, no matter how often he's not at home, no matter how much of his time he doesn't spend on me, I'm fond of him. Big mistake.

I often demonstrated my affection towards him in a passive way: ignore him, look in the other direction, fall asleep... but he doesn't seem to notice my little hints. Time to use heavy weapons. Today, mom passed me to dad and walked away. My immediate reaction was a profound, intense crying. As if my little heart was torn apart, as if my world collapsed! Mom came back, gave me a hug, I stopped crying. Mom goes away, I reactivate the crying process. Mom back, crying stops...

All that time, I didn't even notice dad. I was too busy with the intense feelings of pain because mom left me. Well, of course I saw him. He looked very surprised that his presence didn't make any difference at all. That will teach him!

Note: I received a mail message from somebody trying to warn me from a very dangerous device that is sold these days. Talking about the Antichrist Detector! Check it out and never ever buy one!

posted by Martin Vereecken Monday, November 26, 2001

 
How to make a mess "accidentally"

Filling the diper is fun, because you can make a mess and nobody blames you, but there's one thing more fun than filling the diper: it's filling the space where the diper is supposed to be. Let me explain.

The trick is to detect when the diper is changed. There's a small time gap between the moment of removing a used diper and attaching a fresh one. This is the time you should take action. You can sense this moment very easily: it's when your butt is getting cold. The neat thing is: this is the time you can cause Maximum Unhygienic Damage (the MUD-moment).

Last weekend was great: I caused 2 MUD-moments! First moment was with mom: diper A was gone, diper B wasn't there yet, and that's when I "released the brownie". Some big time panic this caused! (hehe) The second time was with dad (yeah, I don't do discrimination: I believe every parent has the right to suffer from a MUD-moment): he had just taken away diper A, when I started to smile and kick and make myself look like a real cuty (this distracted him from the bottom part of my body). While he started to play with me, I got rid of all unwanted body water. It took him a moment before he realised what had happened (dad's brains always need some time before they realise things), but I loved the expression on his face. Damage report: I managed to wetten the place and I also got a fresh new shirt.

posted by Martin Vereecken Monday, November 26, 2001